Tailspin

     I think the 1 thing I detest most about cancer is how in just 1 tiny little second it can, time & time again, throw your whole entire life into a tailspin. Unfortunately, this is where I find myself once more: in the midst of a cancer tailspin. 
     On Monday afternoon I walked into the Cancer Center for scheduled blood-work & to have a catch-up with my incredible oncologist, Dr. K. The sun was shining, I had lost 3 lbs, & my favorite CNA pulled my chart which meant girl-talk during blood drawls!!! We talked about her handsome little man who, unbelievably, is already 2, I boasted about reaching my 22-month remission mark, & we quickly hugged goodbye before Chad & I were taken back to our exam room.  Dr. K, who is by far the most incredible oncologist I could ever ask for (making the transfer after my recurrence was one of the best decisions I ever made) entered the room with a smile, as she always does, & then made my day by telling me I always have the cutest style when she sees me (shout-out to my F21 bowler hat!). We waited for about an hour hoping that my CEA, or tumor-marker, would come back from the lab. When it didn't, we set-up a game-plan to have my next CT in June (which would be 6 months from my last in December), hugged, & said our goodbyes. I knew someone would be calling with my CEA count so it was no surprise when I saw "Cancer Center" on my celly ID while shopping around Target with Chad. The information that came next literally knocked the breath out of me. My tumor-marker, which measures a specialized protein in Colorectal patients to show signs of possible disease, had been steady at 0.5 since June 2012, however on Monday, it had jumped to 2.3. 
     My heart sank & my hands began to tremble so much that Chad took the phone to hold it still. Because it was such a sudden, substantial jump, Dr. K ordered my CT scan to be turned into a PET of my entire body & also to have it moved from June to sometime within the next few weeks. I'm trying my damnedest to think positive but I'm also preparing myself for a potential round #3. The strange thing is when I had my recurrence in 2011, I knew it was coming. I had spine & tailbone pain for weeks prior to my scan; I just didn't feel quite "right". However, as of now, I don't feel like anything is wrong. I feel...dare I say healthy? 
     Regardless of what the outcome of my upcoming PET scan may show, it is what it is. I've beaten cancer twice & I know I can do it again if need be. If it's nothing, well...I guess that's life reminding, once again, anything & everything can change in a matter of seconds...or in my case, in a matter of a tailspin.

I'll keep you updated. 

love&lyrics,

- LISA -

...just because..