#MyOstomyStory

     At the end of October I posted the above photo on my Facebook page & my Instagram account with the following caption:

"Never, EVER did I think I would post a picture like this but alas here we go...‪#‎MyOstomyStory‬ began on August 19, 2010 - 4 months after I was diagnosed with Stage IIIb Rectal Cancer at age 26. I was a recent college grad & a full-time dance coach. The 1st time I heard the words "permanent colostomy" I thought my life was over, little did I know the one thing that would GIVE me life was my ostomy. 5 years, 3 chemo regimens, 28 pelvic radiation hits, & 2 major surgeries later...here I am, still very much alive & still dancing my way through this crazy world. Cancer may have tried to take my life & my body...but it never stood a chance against my spirit."

     I've been so incredibly overwhelmed by all the love & support I've received since posting my ostomy picture that I thought it would be fun to share the details behind the photo & let you know what exactly made me decide to share my story & my body with the world wide web...because it was definitely something very much outside of my comfort zone. So, a'let's go!
     In late October I realized that Uncover Ostomy was running a "#MyOstomyStory"campaign for any & all ostomates willing to share their story. UO is an super-cool organization that was started by a fellow young ostomate (Jessica Grossman) & it's primary focus is breaking stereotypes that linger behind having an ostomy - cause believe me, even though it's almost 2016 there are still a TON of stigmas & misconceptions about living with an ostomy, especially as a young adult. Taking those misconceptions into consideration as well as to how "normal" my life post-colostomy actually is I knew immediately I wanted to be a part of this campaign. However there was a catch: as easy as it is for me to bare my soul to the world, baring my body is a completely different story. I've been pretty open about my struggle with body image since my 70+lb cancer weight gain & it's been a long road to get to a point of feeling comfortable within my own skin again. In case you don't remember or weren't around these parts back then, have no fear! I got you.

Yup, that's me with 2 of my beautiful best friends, & Ashley & Natalie (hey girls! LY!)

     Before cancer & my now ever-present premature menopause, I never had to worry about my weight so learning to navigate the worlds of diet & exercise, as well as figuring out how to maneuver a body with no hormone production was definitely a tricky situation that had me a hot-mess for a quite a while. It would literally take me years to get myself under control - both physically & mentally. Eventually however (after a looooot of trial-&-error), I was slowly able to figure out what specifically worked for me & began to feel more comfortable in my own body. I was starting to become "me" again - just a slightly different, more life-experienced me. After a ridiculous amount of research, I decided to begin taking non-estrogen, soy-based pseudo-hormones which helped me rediscover my metabolism & I slowly began losing the lbs. Does this mean I'm now 100% comfortable in my skin & in my body? Hell NO but that's not because I have an ostomy...it's because I'm human. Over the summer I reached another pretty big milestone: I returned to the world of ballet which is something for a really long time I was fairly certain wasn't physically possible but I did it! (oh, btw I guess I should tell you that I also had a large part of my inner left thigh muscles removed & used for external pelvic reconstruction back in 2011). Does my body move or cooperate like it did before cancer? That's another hell no...neither does my brain but I took back something I thought cancer forever took from me & I think that is actually PRETTY RAD!

     The final factor that helped me decide to be part of this campaign was my ostomy itself. I was first told I was would need a permanent colostomy about a week or so after I was diagnosed. I remember my doctor saying the word "colostomy" for the first time & hearing it echo over & over in my head. There I was sitting in my surgeon's office knowing that I had advanced, aggressive cancer & all I could think was "oh my gawd - I'm going to have to have colostomy bag...forever. What the hell am I doing to do?! My life is OVER!".  Like I said earlier there are SO many stigmas, misconceptions, & stereotypes that come along with having an ostomy & at that very moment, I bought into each & every one of them. I was terrified but was then was given 2 options by my doctor: 1.) have a colostomy & live or 2.) decide not to have a colostomy & die. Um...NO decision to be made! Let's ostomy me up real nice doc! 4 months later, after a complete tumor & rectal resection, I had my colostomy fixed to my lower left abdomen & very quickly learned the truth of being a living, breathing ostomate. No, I am not dirty. No, I do not smell. No, my life is NOT over & is not that different than your's. My life is very-much normal & that is because of my colostomy; it gave me the chance to continue to live. It gave me the chance to see past age 26 & be able fight my ass off against Rectal Cancer. I don't find any shame or embarrassment in that; it's actually kind of liberating! There is something satisfying in seeing someone's reaction when they find out that I have a not-so-secret ostomy hidden beneath my shirt. They don't think I'm dirty. They don't think I smell. They don't think my life is all that different from their's because it's not. I'm as normal as you can be without being normal at all. ;) I'm just like you: I wake up everyday & try my best to navigate my way through this crazy world & this is what my photo is all about. It's about baring my reality to a world that is filled with other people who are dancing their own way through the ups & downs of life. We all have different situations & different circumstances surrounding us that we have to figure out how to deal with. We all have our own issues that bully their way into our lives & adjusting to this giant curve-ball called cancer in my mid-20s was part of mine. Nothing more, nothing less. There really is no difference between you & I...except I don't have to worry about public restrooms anymore. :)

Until next time.

Peace, Love, & Lyrics,

- LISA -

October 2k15

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month...butt let's remember to protect ALL of our assests!

Colonoscopys save lives - it saved mine!

love&lyrics,

- LISA -

Dear John

 Dear John,
     I can't believe it's been 11 years...11 years since I last heard your voice, caught your contagious laughter, or have been able to hug you. I'll never forget that day because that was the day that my life changed forever. For the first 20 years of my life I was alive but not necessarily "living" because I didn't realize how fragile life truly was until Saturday August 28, 2004.
     I remember driving home the night before & thinking how perfectly full the moon was. I remember thinking how beautifully it lit up the late-night sky & how it shined down so brightly on the world beneath it; little did I know how much that world would change in the matter of hours. Losing you was, without-a-doubt, harder than I could have ever, ever imagined. I thought I had my heart broken before, but no...saying goodbye to you, big brother, was a heartbreak I never knew existed.
     I try not to haunt myself with thoughts of that morning but, inevitably, they always seem to creep back into my head. I wonder if you were you scared or if you knew what was happening. I wonder what your last words might have been - knowing you I'm sure they were words Mom wouldn't approve of. :) I know you were probably more concerned with getting Leslie out of the house than you were with yourself; you loved her so much, as she loved you. I will never forget your last Christmas when you surprised her with her beautiful bracelet & made her cry. You made her feel so special & so loved...I'm so happy you found true love while on this Earth. That Christmas is hands-down my favorite holiday memory even though it would be the last one we would all spend together. When I look back at that version of "me" in the pictures I can't help but miss being that naive 19-year-old in the navy blue dance sweatshirt. Everything about me changed when I lost you & almost 11 years later I'm still trying to pick up the pieces & find my way in this crazy life. It seems like every time I was about to pull things together, something else would wreck our world...like losing Jay only 2 years after you. We have amazing parents, don't we? There's not a lot of things I truly "know" in this life, but 1 thing I do know is that no parent should EVER have to bury their child & our's did...twice. They're incredible & I don't think I will ever understand where they find all their strength. They miss you so much. I know their lives changed in more ways than mine that morning & I often find myself just starring at them in awe. How blessed we are to call them our's.
     Thank you for loaning Duke to us for the last 11 years. Who knew that big, awkward puppy hiding in his doghouse would end up being the biggest inside fur-baby we've ever had?...you did, I guess. I think you must have known how much we would need him. For me, he was the last tangible part of you so letting him go has been really hard. I miss him so much already but I can only imagine how excited he was to see you again. I would often talk to him about you; telling him stories would make me feel closer to you somehow. Man how I miss those talks. Oh, by the way, the orange ball is his favorite so please be sure to throw that as hard & as far as you can - that back leg won't be holding him back in the clouds.
     I'll never forget what happened in the early hours of August 28, 2004. You were taken from this world much too early for my liking or my approval & I struggle with your absence everyday. You were an incredible big brother & I hate that I didn't tell you that nearly enough. I hope you know how much I love you & how much I miss you because...well, I can't find a way to put it into words. All I can say is that I do love you & I do miss you so, so very much. Thank you for blessing us with your presence for 24 beautiful years.

You are forever in my heart, my head, & my soul.

Until we meet again.

Rest Easy.

Your baby sister,
 Lisa

John David Johnson

April 29, 1980 - August 28, 2004

   

   

Sunday Randomness

     Since my last post was pretty heavy,  I thought I would lighten things up around GDHC with something fun...& different. If you've been hanging out here with me for a minute, then you know a few things about me. You know I'm a cancer survivor, a former dancer, & a proud, permanent ostomate but there's a lot more to me. I love music, make-up, movies & countless other things that don't necessarily begin with the letter "m", contrary to what that previous list may have lead you to believe. ☺ So, here are some incredibly random Q's with my equally as random A's.

• Full name? Lisa Marie Johnson
• Are you named after anyone? Yes, my cousin Lisa Marie Wright who passed away from chronic asthma a few weeks shy of her 16th birthday in the early 80's.
• What's your favorite sport to watch? College Football...it's serious business.
• Favorite movies? High Fidelity, Say Anything, True Romance, Almost Famous, Dogfight, Across The Universe, The Fault In Our Stars....I could go on & on & on & on....
• Last song you listened to? "And I Love Her" by The Beatles
• Last movie you watched in a theater? Vacation
• Do you have a favorite city? Wilmington, NC will always have my heart. 
• Do you wear your seat belt in the car? Faithfully.
• What did you have for breakfast today? Coffee
• Favorite bands/musicians? Nirvana, Alexz Johnson, The Beatles, Frank Sinatra, DMB, The Doors, Bob Dylan
• How tall are you? 5'0
• What's one word to describe your personality? Sarcastic
• What's something on your bucket list? For the record, I like to call it my "life list" {which you can check out in it's entirety in the tab above} but I would LOVE to complete a ropes course...however, I have absolutely NO idea how or where you would find them.
• Do you believe in yourself? For the most part, but I think we all have insecurities.
• Where did you go to on your last road trip? Pittsburgh, PA for the "Soaked In Bleach" screening.
• Do you have a "life anthem" song? "Nothin' On Me" by Alexz Johnson
• Favorite TV shows? LOST, Dawson's Creek, Friends
• What is your favorite season? Fall
• Last restaurant you went to? Chili's
• Are you right handed or left handed? I'm a righty.
• Do you wear glasses/contacts? Oh yeah...I'd be blind without them.
• Do you believe in soulmates? Absolutely
• Do you have any siblings? Yes...2 older brothers who are in Heaven & 1 older sister who, thankfully, is still down here with me. :)
• What's your favorite hobby? Writing
• Do you think friends can grow apart? I know they can.
• What was the last thing you had to drink? Coke Zero...mmm...
• Do you still have your tonsils & appendix? Nope...neither actually.
• Iphone or android? I'm an android girl.
• What DVD is in your DVD player right now? Friends
• Do you have any scars, if so where? Haha, this question made me laugh. I definitely have my fair share: appendix (lower right abdomen), hysterectomy (from right below my belly button down to my pelvic bone), my chest port (top right of my chest), & on my inner left thigh (like from hip to kneecap) from my external pelvic reconstruction.
• Do you have any tattoos? Only my radiation dots...so if those count, then I have 3. ;)
• Do you like ice in your drinks? No! I'm completely weird when it comes to ice...just not a fan.
• Would you rather be able to fly for a day or be invisible for a day? Fly, for sure.

Words to Live By...

Sometimes I'm lucky enough to come across something that really resonates with me & lately I have been loving the work of Mary Oliver, who is an incredible American poet.

Enjoy.

THE FOURTH SIGN OF THE ZODIAC 

- Mary Oliver

(PART 3)

I know, you never intended to be in this world.

But you’re in it all the same.

So why not get started immediately.

I mean, belonging to it.

There is so much to admire, to weep over.

And to write music or poems about.

Bless the feet that take you to and fro.

Bless the eyes and the listening ears.

Bless the tongue, the marvel of taste.

Bless touching.

You could live a hundred years, it’s happened.

Or not.

I am speaking from the fortunate platform

of many years,

none of which, I think, I ever wasted.

Do you need a prod?

Do you need a little darkness to get you going?

Let me be as urgent as a knife, then,

and remind you of Keats,

so single of purpose and thinking, for a while,

he had a lifetime.

“Remissues”

     I've been debating back-&-forth with myself for quite awhiiiiiiile trying to make a decision as to whether or not to tackle this specific topic & it all came down to 1 thing: the promise I made myself after diagnosis to share my entire story - both good & bad - with anyone who would be interested in hearing/reading about it. So, in keeping with that promise I want to talk about a place I found myself once I was out of the malignant-zone & entering the fight after the fight. It's life post-cancer & it can be full of what I like to call "remissues" {remission + issues}. 

Before I begin,  please remember that these are solely MY opinions, MY experiences, & MY thoughts and that they - by no means - reflect any other person in the cancer survivor community...just little ol' me. ☺

     In my opinion, being a cancer survivor can be a tricky title to hold; I'm so, so very grateful, blessed, & down-right-lucky to be alive. Not a day goes by that I don't recognize how incredibly fortunate I am & have been over the past 5 years. However, on the other side of the post-cancer spectrum, I am an entirely different person than I was up until the very second before I received my diagnosis. Suddenly I went from being a "normal" mid-20's woman to a full-time cancer patient fighting for my life & facing less than a 25% survival expectancy. Life quickly became all about appointments, treatments, side-effects, surgeries, healing, fighting, & meds - lots & lots of meds. Two years after initially being diagnosed I heard the most beautiful of all words: remission. To be definitive, remission is described as "a decrease in or disappearance of signs & symptoms of cancer" (source). Before I became a member of the cancer club I always imagined the term "remission" as almost an abracadabra word. Like at the very second someone hears that word, POOF!!! Cue the happy music, unicorns, fireworks, & all-things-sunshine! I thought the word "remission" must instantaneously make everything magical & that one's life would, undoubtedly, return back to how it was pre-diagnosis. Insert self forehead-smack here because I was completely & utterly, all-sorts of incorrect. 

     One last time, please let me reiterate how appreciative I am to be in remission & to have been given another chance in this life; however that appreciation doesn't mean I'm not allowed to have other issues in my life...& these, my friends, are what I like to call "remissues" {remission + issues = remissues}. 

     For me, my remissues can range anywhere from survivor's guilt, identity confusion, & figuring out how to manage my countless physical side-effects to anxiety, post-cancer depression, mood swings, menopause, & pretty much any & every emotion in between. I think what I have discovered is that when you're actually "in" the midst of your battle, you're in an entirely different mindset...at least I know I was. I was in warrior mode - I was ready & willing to do anything necessary to save my life. That meant that any surgery or treatment that was suggested or recommended I was ABSOLUTELY game for - no questions asked or eff's given. I have to carry around a fanny-pack attached to a chemo pump which then attaches to my port 24/7, 5 days a week for 6 weeks? Done! Rectal resection, permanent colostomy, & pelvic radiation that will leave me sterile at age 26? Hell yeah! Complete hysterectomy by 27? Sign me up! You want to removal my tumor, lymph nodes, coccyx, & vaginal canal in the same surgery...rad, let's do it. No possibility of internal pelvic reconstruction for at least 5 years?...no big deal, I'm in. You want to take my right arm & attach it to my big toe? What are we waiting for?! OK, maybe that last scenario is a bit of a stretch but I think you know what I'm getting at. When you're battling & fighting for your life, you will do whatever you have to do to make it to tomorrow. You don't have the luxury to sit back & think "I wonder when I look back on this how I will react or how it will make me feel 1, 2, 3 or more years from now" because with cancer you can never get comfortable enough to envision 1, 2, 3 or more years from your now. So, for me, after the initial remission fairy dust finally settled I found myself at a standstill. I was lost...in all possible ways a person can be lost. I didn't - & sometimes still don't - know what to do with my days. For years, my life was carefully mapped out by radiation & chemo appointments or constructed around visits to the cancer center for blood work, visits with Dr. K, or varying maintenance scans. It seemed like the next surgery was always looming right around the corner. I got as comfortable as I could in a completely uncomfortable situation. I knew how chemo was going to make me feel, I knew how much surgery would kick my ass, & I knew how to fight - this had become my "normal". So when all that disappeared I found myself saying "OK, awesome...but now what???". I knew I couldn't just return back to the life I had before cancer because that wasn't my life anymore & I wasn't that version of me anymore. I was - mentally & physically - a very different Lisa than the one who had once lived that prior life. The "new" Lisa was a 2x cancer survivor who had spent the last 2 years fighting hell on Earth...but that was pretty much all I knew about her & that was an incredibly scary realization.

     Since then, I've spent the last 3 years trying to figure out who I am, where, & exactly why I belong in this world. This constant struggle of trying to re-find myself & what to do in & with my life post-cancer is something that can quickly snowball & often begins to bleed into other aspects of my life...like survivor's guilt (SG) & survivor's pressure (SP). SG is actually relatively common in cancer survivors, especially young adults. It may sound crazy to some that cancer survivors can & do experience SG because that is term usually associated with war or another significant tragedy but if you really think about it, both of those terms describe life in the cancersphere. We are fighting our own type of war & our own type of tragedy. For me, when it comes down to it, I have no idea why I am here & other warriors who faced my same diagnosis aren't...it's something that is always on my mind but it's also something that I know I will never have the answer to - so all I can do is try to live my best life, not only for myself but for those who are no longer here &, honestly, that - in itself - can be a fairly daunting expectation that I place on myself. 

     Next I have what I like to refer to as "survivor's pressure", which has it's own range of various emotional aspects attached to it. Referring back to knowing that I - for whatever reason - survived this disease is completely awesome but also completely overwhelming at the same time. I can't tell you how many times I've had someone (with only good intentions) say to me "you survived, just think of all the great things you can do now!" but - honestly - all those instances fail in comparison to the amount of times I've said to myself "you survived, think of all the great things you should be doing now!"...then I look down & see myself binge watching Netflix all damn day & end up feeling like a wasteful schmuck. I absolutely put a lot of SP on myself because I don't want to waste this extra chance I have been given; it's just a matter of figuring out exactly how & what I'm going to do with it, but I suppose that is all part of anyone's life - we all, at some point or another, search for where we belong in this world. 

     When it all comes down to it, I'm still learning to understand, accept, & deal with my remissues. I would be lying if I said I know exactly who I am because I don't. It's still an everyday struggle for me & I'm sure that it will continue to be a learning process, which I will happily participate in.

     To other survivor's who may be dealing with their own remissues - remember that our psychological, mental, & emotional fights doesn't necessarily stop when our physical fight does. Handle life at your own pace & be patient with yourself. Do whatever it is you need to do while you get to know the new you. We have experienced something that no human should ever have experience & yet here we are...& I think that is pretty fantastic. 

love&lyrics,

- LISA -

07/12

UPDATE: It was, indeed, my motherboard but I am having my laptop fixed so hopefully she'll be back in my loving arms soon!

 
Just a little update..."Remissues" is still coming - my laptop decided to blow-up {internally I mean - fingers crossed that it's, somehow, fixable} & that spiraled me into a horrible mood that past few days SO until that is resolved I figure it's best to steer clear of anything too emotional. I know, I know...I shouldn't let something so little get to me as much as it has, but I'm only human...& my novel is on there along with all my pictures, videos, & music. 

 Ugh! 

Hopefully I'll be seeing you very soon.

love&lyrics,

- LISA -

27 and Menopausal

     Something I struggle with on a daily basis is the wonderful world of "premature menopause" {PMM} &, in my opinion, it's something that is not talked about enough in the young-adult cancersphere...so I thought I would tell you my story, my secrets, & my PMM tips & tricks. So, let's go!

    To begin, let me give you a little meno-411...according to the web, the term menopause is described as "a normal condition that occurs when a woman stops producing eggs & estrogen". It also says the "average" timeline for menopause is around age 51 & can last anywhere from 2 to 10 years. Sounds rad, right? Oy-vey!

     For me, during the very first week of treatment (at my very first visit actually) my Radiologist, Dr. S, told me that my impending 28 pelvic-radiation treatments would completely obliterate my ovaries, not only making my monthly periods stop (not gonna lie - I didn't mind this part so much!) but, ultimately, leaving me sterile & unable to ever have children. When my first surgery rolled around about 3 months later in August 2010, I had the discussion with my surgeon, Dr. B, as to whether or not to remove my ovaries then however we both decided that since this surgery was already going to be incredibly invasive (tumor removal, multiple lymph node removal, rectum resection, & permanent colostomy) we decided that we would hold off until we thought it was the right time. As usual, life had a different plan. In July 2011, I had a recurrence & after being referred to a specialist in Pittsburgh, a complete hysterectomy was added to the to-do list. So on September 21, 2011, in an 8 & 1/2 hour surgery, I said goodbye to my ovaries & uterus (as well as a handful of other body parts, haha!) & hello to premature menopause at the age of 27. The effects were immediate...& I mean IMMEDIATE. My hot flashes began while I was in the ICU only hours after surgery & continued throughout my 11 day stay at UPMC in Pittsburgh...in a room where the air-conditioner was not putting out cold air. Not even lying! There isn't a lot I remember from that hospital stay but I do remember Chad literally wetting washcloths & laying them on the vents of the air conditioner to cool them off as much as he could & them putting them all over me from the chest up. I also remember going in with my ever-present Colorectal Blue hair streak but because of my hot flashes & the ridiculous amount of sweating that accompanies them, I left the hospital with lilac hair & a blue-stained neck. 

     As time went on, menopause made itself more & more obnoxiously known: unpredictable & unmanageable hot flashes, night sweats so bad that I would be up changes my clothes & sheets 3-4 times a night (I eventually figured out that putting a dry towel on top of my sheets would turn out to be a life saver as was my cooling gel pad that I ABSOLUTELY recommend), & most recently, cystic acne which I cannot figure out for the life of me. AHHH! It all can be incredibly frustrating! 

     Ultimately though, I think the most difficult issue I had - physically & mentally - was was with my weight. In addition to Xeloda (my last type of chemo), menopause also wrecked my metabolism & the ability to have any sort of control over my weight. I ended-up gaining over 50+ lbs & topping off somewhere around 185...at 5'0. Because of my age & the fact that I have already had 1 recurrence, I wasn't & still am not able to take any sort of hormone-replacement therapy so my body is literally producing ZERO estrogen, which can be problematic is various ways (estrogen replacement is said to help with hot flashes, skin issues, & weight problems to mention a few). 

     Over the past probably 2 years I had been slowly losing weight but plateaued around 140 for the longest time...then one day I came across "Estroven". It's an over-the-counter soy-based, herbal supplement  which you take twice a day to help manage menopausal systems. I chose the "weight management" option which not only helps with hot flashes & night sweats but also does just what you think...helps maintain weight. I started taking Estroven on March 22 & have noticed SUCH a difference. Not only do I have more overall energy, as of yesterday I am down to 127 lbs! Of course, I know not all of my weight loss is attributed to Estroven...I have also tried my best to change my diet  as best as possible, including only "Zero" sodas so I can still get my caffeine fix without the calories or sugar & "Ice" Sparkling Water drinks (Strawberry Watermelon is my jam) thanks to the recommendation from my dear friend RJ but I really do think taking Estroven has been a HUGE factor is helping me regain the ability to maintain & control my weight. I am feeling more confident & less self-conscious about my body, which is a strange but incredibly liberating feeling. I still have a way to go until I completely satisfied & happy with my body but I'm getting there - it's just going to take a little more time & effort. 

     As for my hot flashes, yes I still have them but they are definitely not as intense as they once were...I can deal with that. If you're looking for something & you can't do anything estrogen-based, I sincerely recommend trying Estroven...they have so many different types to chose from so you should be able to find whichever you think is best for you...and no, this post is absolutely NOT sponsored in ANY way. I truly believe in this brand & it is a part of my everyday Cancer Survivor, Premature Menopause life. 

estroven.com

     

5 Things People With Cancer Want You To Know {share}

I came across this article on Tumblr & it really resonated with me so I wanted to share the link of the original article with all of you but I also wanted to add a few personal reflections as well.

5 Things People With Cancer Want You To Know {link}

1.) Cancer doesn't always end when treatment does. 

For me, personally, this is a BIG one. I often refer to remission-life as "the fight after the fight" because it can be crazy, chaotic, & confusing as hell. In one sense, you know how incredibly lucky you are to beat a disease that doesn't want to be beaten; you - for some reason or another - have been given another chance in this world, in this life that thousands of other people are not given. It can be a heavy task to swallow, to understand, & to accept. I'm very open about my struggle with "survivor's guilt" & the pressure that comes along with be a survivor & it's something I deal with on almost a daily basis.
I think this also applies to the equally as crazy, chaotic, & confusing physical side-effects that we experience days, months, & even years after treatment has "commenced". It was only within the last month that I have completely weened myself off pain-meds but I still struggle with random body & joint pain everyday. I've been dealing with early-onset menopause since I was 27 & chemo brain is an absolute pain in my cancer-free ass. 

2.) Cancer doesn't look the same on everyone. 

WORD! Sometimes we don't lose all of our hair with chemo, sometimes we gain weight, sometimes we lose weight. 

3.) Some days are just hard.

No personal explanation needed. :)

4.) Just because I don't look sick doesn't mean I'm not.

This picture was taken less than 2 months before I was diagnosed with Stage IIIb; I was literally dying in this picture & had no idea...would you?

5.) I am so much more than my disease.

As I've said multiple, multiple times...cancer forever changes you & your life but it doesn't have to define you or your life. We are, in ways, the same people we were before we found out about our disease & we will continue to grow into a new version of ourselves post disease.

 Please don't let it negate who we are as individuals.

What do you think?

love&lyrics,

- LISA -

5 Years

Yesterday marked 5 years since I was hooked up to a fanny pack & had my very first chemo infusion & radiation treatment. 5 years! What?!

     Looking back over the past 5 years is a super-crazy ride for me; cancer has changed my life in so many different ways that I could never fully explain. I lost some people who I never imagined my days would be complete without but - on the flipside - I also gained other people who I know with all my being were meant to be a part of my life ...& that's because of this disease. That's life I suppose, right? You have to take the good with the bad to be able to appreciate the happy after the sad. Now, in about a month, I will be celebrating 3 beautiful years of remission, baring no hold-ups with my upcoming CT scan & blood work, but for the sake of my sanity I'm being optimistic! :)

     I've been thinking lately that I really want to start blogging more; I know I say that A LOT but I really think it's time. Usually my blog breaks happen because I can't decide on any specific content to write about but then I realized why does there have to be a specific topic?...& I don't think there necessarily does. I think I, unknowingly, put some pressure on myself to keep GDHC cancer-related in some form, but that's not all my life is so it may start getting random at times around these neck of the woods. Yes, a percentage of my life is & always will be connected to cancer but I also have a lot more to talk about & let you in on so I hope you're down. Until then...

love&lyrics,

- LISA -

    

     

...brb...

Working on a pretty rad post for you! 

See you soon.

♫

love&lyrics,

- LISA -

2 Years, 9 Months, & 7 Days.

     2 years, 9 months, & 7 days...that's how long I've been in remission round #2.
     2 beautiful years, 9 glorious months, & 7 wonderful cancer-free days have been given to me to live on this Earth. Some days were better than others, some hurt like hell {inside & out}, & some felt too good to be true...but all were very much appreciated; much more than I can make palpable with my words that's for sure. I don't think you can ever get too comfortable before a scan or a blood test; how could you?...you entire life & the lives of those around you, are all resting on the results. That's pressure!!! Thankfully, my CEA (tumor-marker level in my blood labs) dropped from around 2.6 to 1.3 which is AWESOME!
     In between my first surgery in August 2010 & my 2nd chemo regimen that would follow, we made the decision to switch oncologists from FGH to The Mary Babb Randolph Cancer Center in Morgantown, WV. I can honestly say that is the 1, no-doubt-about-it reason why I am still alive. Although not a colorectal specialist (because apparently, we don't have those in WV...yet), Dr K. completely took me & my family under her wing. She made me feel comfortable in the most uncomfortable of life situations. When my recurrence happened in mid-2011, you could see the disappointment on her face but she was also quick to reassure me that we would also win this round...& we did just that. She's been the most proactive,  let's stay one-step-ahead of another possible recurrence, kick-ass doctor & I'm so thankful to have her in my cancer-free life. ❤
     With good news comes a little sad news...our family said a final goodbye to our beloved pug-mix "Buddy" on March 9, 2015. He was 13-years-old (91-years-young in dog-years) & had been battling diabetes & occasional seizures for the past 7 months. He had been with us through our highest of high's & lowest of low's & was truly an integral part of our family. He is already incredibly, incredibly missed & will never be forgotten.

We'll love you forever, Budman.

Buddy Johnson

September 04. 2001 - March 09, 2015

"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare, & love we can spare. In return, dogs give us their all...it's the best deal man has ever made."

love&lyrics,
- LISA -

Colorectal Awareness Month!

March is here, which means it's officially COLORECTAL AWARENESS MONTH!

All month long I will be participating in #31daysofstrength, which is a daily photo challenge created by fightcolorectalcancer.org. 

Today's theme is a quote & I chose one by Cassandra Clare & it's one that is very dear to my heart & I was able to breakout my warpaint, which is always a plus.

Day #1:

See you tomorrow!

love&lyrics,

- LISA -

Time For Change

     My friend & fellow Colorectal Cancer Warrior, Dawn Eicher, has started an online petition to present to Congress in hopes of lowering the screening age for CRC; currently the "recommended" age is 50...this is entirely TOO late. Below are 2 excerpts from Dawn's petition, which already has over 50,000 signatures.

• "The facts are that colorectal cancer is the second leading cause of cancer-related death in the U.S., and every year approximately 140,000 people are diagnosed. Of those, the current stats show that between 10-20% are under the age of 40, but the screening age remains 50 years old. Colorectal cancer incidence and mortality rates continue to rise in the population under 50. It is also a misnomer that colorectal cancer is mostly genetic. Current data shows approximately 5% of all cases are genetic in nature. With appropriate screening, colorectal cancer is one of the few 100% preventable cancers. This fact is so very important it bears repeating: COLORECTAL CANCER IS 100% PREVENTABLE WITH EARLY DETECTION! Unfortunately, insurance companies refuse to cover diagnostic tests for those under 50."

• "According to the latest stats, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 2 men will face cancer in their lifetime. Let’s take colorectal cancer out of the equation NOW and save people today. We have enough to worry about; colorectal cancer shouldn’t be one of them. This is not an “old man’s disease” and 1 in 20 is the average risk factor. There are currently more than ONE MILLION colon cancer survivors."

Please, if you haven't already, click the link & sign the petition. We whole-heartedly thank you for your time.

Never Too Young - Lowering CRC Screening Age Petition

love&lyrics,

- LISA -

31, Here I Come!

Sunday was a big day...like a big, big day. Sunday I turned 31-years-young & I couldn't be more EXCITED! Perhaps 31 doesn't sound like an age that you want to - metaphorically - "shout from the rooftops", but I do! Almost 5 years ago, I was diagnosed 2 months & 6 days after I turned 26 (whoa - just noticed the strange repetition of the 2's & 6's there) so I was very much facing the potential of being what I call "forever 26". Is my life anywhere near where I ever "thought" it would be?...hell no, but I'm alive, I'm loved, I'm healthy (fingers-crossed for low tumor-markers on Friday) & I'm surrounded by incredible people who I love so very much. Those incredible people helped me celebrate being able to live & learn another year in the crazy, chaotic, wouldn't-trade-it-for-anything world. 

Birthday snapshots 

Celebrating with my lady-love & bffff, Franki! LY! ☮

     Along with my excitement about my birthday, I'm also pretty pumped for next month because March is officially Colorectal Cancer Awareness month! Unfortunately you won't see blue ribbons displayed as prominently around as pink ribbons in October (believe me, the emotional-struggle is REAL) however we are still doing our damnedest to spread the word about prevention, detection, and the reality of this disease. We - I can't do this alone so I need your help & this easiest way to show your support is participating in National Dress In Blue Day on Friday, March 06, 2015. What does that mean exactly? It's seriously incredibly easy...by simply wearing something blue you are supporting me, the CCA, & the thousands of other CRC Warrriors & their families who fight the fight everyday. Easy peasy, right? If you can, take a minute to help us spread the word. Share your pictures& join us while we raise awareness & save some butts! ;)

Please feel free to take & pass this along! 

Also, be on the lookout for lots of "GDHC" blog lovin' in March...here's hopin' you won't get sick of me!


See you soon!
love&lyrics,
- LISA -

Back on the Horse

     Happy Belated 2015. Like a lot of things in my life, "blogmas" didn't go quite as planned but I hope you did enjoy the few posts I did manage to get put-up.
     I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted but I decided to take a little time away from the web; I needed to work through some things in my head & in my heart before I felt "ready" enough to get back on the horse, or in this case...back on the blog.
      From now on, "Goodbye Dancer, Hello Cancer" will be in honor of my fellow colorectal warrior Mrs. Amanda Stewart. Amanda was a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a hero, an inspiration, & an amazing friend. She fought a fight no one should have to fathom, let alone experience but she did it with a smile & her famous "thumb's up" attitude. She became an angel on December 31, 2014 at the much-too-young age of 28. My promise to her was to continue to share our stories about CRC, colostomys, the importance of colonscopies, & most importantly - debunking the age myth that accompanies colorectal cancer. I was diagnosed 2 months after I turned 26; Amanda was diagnosed at only 22-years-old. It's time for change & I am going to do everything I can to make that a reality.

...forever in our hearts...

thank you for your patience,

talk to you very soon.

love & lyrics,

- LISA -