Cancer is a something that is ever-present in my world; even when I'm doing something not-at-all related to this disease, ultimately, I can {most likely} somehow trace it back to cancer. There are remnants of my disease & it's aftermath everywhere; when I look in the mirror & see the royal-blue streaks in my hair, a sense of pride reverberates throughout my entire body. I was lucky enough to beat cancer not only once, but twice. When I have a new, unexplained pain or ache anywhere in my body, a pulse of fear instantaneously runs through my veins. Could it be another recurrence? When I look around at the people who are - or in some cases, who aren't - regulars in my everyday life, the circumstances of those relationships are inevitably traced back to my cancer in one way or another. I think it's safe to say that cancer affects every single aspect of your life & the lives of those around you. It doesn't matter if you are newly diagnosed or years-out in remission, you are forever changed as a person after your introduction to this stupid, selfish disease. I pride myself on the person I am now in comparison to who I was literally the day before my diagnosis. I'm also consider myself incredibly blessed to have an unspoken kinship with other cancer warriors facing various other kinds of this unrelenting disease. We are family; inevitably connected with what I like to call an "unfortunate fortunate" understanding of one another. I've been lucky enough to personally connect with some incredibly amazing people who continuously awe me with their courage & tenacity. I've also found inspiration, strength, & pride in warriors whom I've watched from afar.
Diem Brown first danced her way into my world like many others: on MTV's "The Challege: Fresh Meat". She decided to make her battles with ovarian cancer public; documenting pivotal moments that we as a society think we "know" about but are rarely experienced so personally. She shared videos of her hair loss & even blogged for People magazine after she suffered a recurrence with OC. She took her experience of being an insider of the "cancerverse" & created an online registry called MedGift to give other patients a place to organize their wants & needs. She became an advocate for young-adult cancer warriors & even shared a little advice with me on Instagram about dealing with early-onset menopause & post-battle health.
Diem was diagnosed with cancer for a third time over the summer; this time it had metastasized to her colon & stomach. I remember being all-sort-of-emotional when she first spoke-out about her emergency colostomy, hysterectomy, & how it made her feel like less of a woman. I'm extremely open about my surgeries, which included a complete hysterectomy & complete vaginectomy (which is the removal of the entire vaginal canal; don't worry, I honestly didn't even know it existed until it became a part of my reality by the time I was 27). I think because I'm so far from my my initial emotions & reactions that I sometimes forget how much of a struggle both of those were for me in the beginning (& they still can be a touchy subject depending on my mood). It took me a moment to step-back & realize that her battle had just taken a major, unexpected pivotal point & she was experiencing it all in front of the world. I then found myself following her story on a daily basis. Her cancer continued to spread to her liver & lymph nodes & she ultimately danced her way into heaven on November 14, 2014. Her death affected me much more than I ever expected it to; perhaps because of our close age or because it's yet another reminder that you can never get too comfortable in life after cancer...or maybe it's just the fact that I am SO sick of this disease taking people away from their friends & families. Bottom line: we need a cure & we need it now.
Like so many others, I am still inspired by Diem's spirit & outlook on life, love, cancer, & everything in between. I wanted to share a few of my favorite, what I like to call "Diemisms" with you.
Like so many others, I am still inspired by Diem's spirit & outlook on life, love, cancer, & everything in between. I wanted to share a few of my favorite, what I like to call "Diemisms" with you.
- "I want people to know that the fight is worth it & that's something that's so important for me." - People
- "Being in charge of who you are, regardless of outward appearances, is beautiful." - Makers
- "It's my personal perspective that you live as hard & as vigourously as you can." - People
- "We celebrate the birth of a child with a baby registry. We celebrate the joining of two lives with a wedding registry. But when someone gets sick, the only celebration is when you’re getting better. There’s really no celebration when your’e fighting to get better. I realized how isolating that is for the patient, and even for the people who want to help out. A registry takes the pride out of [the equation when] asking for help, and my goal was to make it as commonplace as it is for weddings or as it is for baby showers to ask for help when you’re undergoing medical treatments." - Hudson Mod (talking about her motivation for MedGift)
- "I love Mondays bc it feels like a fresh start. So give people you have known a fresh set of eyes, as we all learn & grow from our experiences & mistakes." - Diem Brown
lastly, here is a video from Diem's YouTube channel, which I have watched nuuuuuumerous times & will continue to watch to remind myself that I'm forever stronger.
May you forever dance with the angels.
